Tags / 22 quotes from 8 sources
#marriage
A Portrait of the Artist As a Young Mom
Is domestic life the enemy of creative work?
We’d been expecting a home of books, music, spirited discussion, a salon-like extension of our teacher’s office. Instead, the space we entered was cluttered with makeshift blanket forts, crayons, containers of half-eaten apple sauce, highchairs and cradles and strangely shaped…
Brain Rules for Baby (John Medina)
Four sources of conflict for new parents
There is hope. We know four of the most important sources of marital conflict in the transition to parenthood: sleep loss, social isolation, unequal workload, and depression. We will examine each. Couples who make themselves aware of these can become vigilant about their…
Let children see you make up after a fight
Even in an emotionally stable home, one without regular marital hostility, there will be fights. Fortunately, research shows that the amount of fighting couples do in front of their children is less damaging than the lack of reconciliation the kids observe. Many couples will…
The Four Grapes of Wrath
Why will you fight? I mentioned four consistent sources of marital conflict in the transition to parenthood. Left to their own devices, all can profoundly influence the course of your marriage, and that makes them capable of affecting your child’s developing brain. I’ll call…
Sleep loss makes new parents hostile
Sleep-deprived people become irritable—far more irritable—than people who are not. Subjects saddled with sleep debt typically suffer a 91 percent loss in their ability to regulate strong emotions compared with controls. The decline in general cognitive skill is equally dramatic…
The loneliness of new parents
Loneliness, painful and ubiquitous, is experienced by as many as 80 percent of new parents. After the birth of a child, couples have only about one-third as much time alone together as they had when they were childless. The thrill of having a child wears off, but the incessant…
Marital hostility usually starts with the woman
This may explain why, in the vast majority of cases, the increase in hostile interactions usually starts with the woman and spreads to the man.
The car keys: children imitate their parents
Couples who know about the Four Grapes of Wrath and who begin preparing in advance are much less likely to trample on them once baby comes home. When conflicts occur for these couples, the effects are usually much milder. I can attest to that. I grew up in a military household…
Perceptual asymmetry at the heart of conflict
The story of the car keys involves a change in perspective, which I like to describe as “What is obvious to you is obvious to you.” My father did not see what needed to be done to get the kids ready (and may not have wanted to help even if he did). But my mother saw very…
Empathy needs understanding, not solutions
Research shows that 70 percent of marital conflicts are not resolvable; the disagreement remains. As long as the participants learn to live with their differences—one of the biggest challenges in marriage—this is not necessarily bad news. But differences must be grasped, even…
Schedule sex after the baby arrives
Schedule sex regularly Yes, the great joy in physical intimacy includes a healthy helping of spontaneity. Problem is, you can kiss spontaneity out the window when you bring baby home. Sexual activity usually plummets after the birth of a child, and the loss of associated…
Dio odia il Giappone (Douglas Coupland, M. Howatson and Anna Mioni)
I rimpianti più frequenti
Per inciso, tra le persone che ho intervistato, le risposte più frequenti erano: «Vorrei aver avuto meno preoccupazioni da giovane», «Vorrei aver fatto quello che desideravo davvero e non quello che la società si aspettava da me», e «Vorrei aver sposato qualcun altro». Siamo…
L'imperfetta meraviglia (Andrea De Carlo)
Una moglie vuota e volgare
Neanche Wally e Kimberly sembrano molto contenti della compagnia, ma per le peggiori ragioni: Wally perché a parte Aileen e Christie Swoonie (che lo detesta) non ci sono ancora molte donne attraenti su cui allungare i suoi occhi morbosi, Kimberly perché a parte i padroni di…
Leielui (italian Edition) (de Carlo, Andrea)
Suocera e cognato, parole da temere
Lei non risponde; sta pensando ai termini inglesi e italiani che indicano le relazioni familiari acquisite. Le forme inglesi mother-in-law e father-in-law e sister-in-law eccetera le sembrano frutto di una logica coerente, che come una spada a due lame da un lato ti offre una…
Prigionieri della stabilità
“Anche con lei era tutto lì, da subito” dice lui. “La prima volta che l’ho vista. La stabilità e i limiti della stabilità.” “Ma sei andato avanti lo stesso” dice lei. “Sì” dice lui. “Ed è stato un sollievo immenso, all’inizio. E una scoperta. Riuscire a godere delle piccole…
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen R. Covey)
Chasing golden eggs in a marriage
In the human area, the P/PC Balance is equally fundamental, but even more important, because people control physical and financial assets. When two people in a marriage are more concerned about getting the golden eggs, the benefits, than they are in preserving the relationship…
Centering life on a spouse
CENTEREDNESS. Marriage can be the most intimate, the most satisfying, the most enduring, growth-producing of human relationships. It might seem natural and proper to be centered on one’s husband or wife. But experience and observation tell a different story.
Emotional dependence in marriage
If our sense of emotional worth comes primarily from our marriage, then we become highly dependent upon that relationship. We become vulnerable to the moods and feelings, the behavior and treatment of our spouse, or to any external event that may impinge on the relationship—a…
The Ego Trick (baggini, Julian)
Avoid tempting situations
Our knowledge of situationism should be used to build character more wisely, not to give up on it. For example, John Doris takes as one lesson the idea that we should avoid tempting situations rather than rely on character to enable us to resist temptation. The father of virtue…
Wedding vows bind future selves
Agency – the individual’s capacity to act – can perhaps explain some of the unity of self over time that a standard bundle view makes problematic. Take a long-term commitment like marriage. On a simple bundle view, wedding vows make no sense: I cannot bind my future self if…
Villa Metaphora (Andrea De Carlo)
Un'amante in ufficio, una famiglia che vuole cose
D’altra parte non erano state proprio queste caratteristiche fisiche e psicologiche ad attrarlo quando, su raccomandazione di qualcuno, era venuta per un colloquio nello studio a Milano, come se si presentasse a un esame universitario truccato? Non era stata la sua femminilità…
La fine dell'infatuazione per una star
Però la fase dell’infatuazione sessuale è durata ben poco, così come il divertimento da iperesposizione mediatica. Per quanto si sforzasse ogni mattina e ogni sera di vedere la Lynn Lou Shaw ammirata e desiderata da milioni di uomini in tutto il pianeta, quella che aveva…