Brain Rules for Baby (John Medina) / quote 58 of 91
Nice people keep their friends
After decades of research burning through millions of dollars, scientists have uncovered this shocker of a fact: We are most likely to maintain deep, long-term relationships with people who are nice. Mom was right. Individuals who are thoughtful, kind, sensitive, outward focused, accommodating, and forgiving have deeper, more lasting friendships—and lower divorce rates—than people who are moody, impulsive, rude, self-centered, inflexible, and vindictive. A negative balance on this spreadsheet can greatly affect a person’s mental health, too, putting him at greater risk not only for fewer friends but for depression and anxiety disorders. Consistent with the Grant Study, those with emotional debits are some of the unhappiest people in the world. Moody, rude, and impulsive sound an awful lot like faulty executive control, and that is part of the problem. But the deficit is even larger. These people are not regulating their emotions.