Theories of Childhood, Second Edition (Carol Garhart Mooney) / quote 41 of 70
Offer a choice of how, not whether
Many teachers make the mistake of offering toddlers a choice when there really isn’t one. It’s very confusing for children who are trying to learn how much control they really have to be asked a rhetorical question. Adults and school-age children can understand that “Would you like to do the dishes?” is a request or the polite phrasing of an expectation. Toddlers cannot distinguish between this kind of question and a real choice. For this reason, teachers are sometimes surprised when they ask, “Would you like to go out to play now?” and the child who thought she had a choice wails at being thrust into her jacket against her will. To offer children in this stage the control they need, try phrasing necessary changes in a way that offers a choice of how (not whether) the task will be accomplished. For example, state, “We are going out now. Would you like me to help you put on your jacket, or do you want to do it yourself?” This makes it clear that the doing (going out, coming in, taking a nap, and so on) is not a choice. The choice is whether the child gets ready by himself or receives some adult help.