Theories of Childhood, Second Edition (Carol Garhart Mooney) / quote 37 of 70
Toddlers between holding on and letting go
Erikson believed that toddlers struggle to achieve balance between appropriate holding on and letting go. Areas for these struggles include sharing with friends, relationships with parents and primary caregivers, independent toileting, and making choices. Erikson thought that one of the main barriers for toddlers in accomplishing this task is overcontrolling behavior from adults who thwart and resist the toddlers’ growing demands for independence. When adults are unable to adjust to a child’s swinging between needs for dependence and independence at this stage, they often shame the child for behavior that is actually developmentally appropriate. For children, the effects of this shaming response are twofold. In the short term, the toddler becomes even more frustrated and resistive. In the long term, the child models the adult behavior, becoming controlling and unyielding herself. In order to develop a strong sense of independence, toddlers need to have reasonable opportunities for choice and control.