The Acid Diaries (Christopher Gray) / quote 40 of 125
Waking up just long enough to know I'm asleep
WHAT “THE ACID” (as I was coming to think of it) had done was to blow my so-called spiritual trip out of the water. I saw that Advaita philosophy had become just a way of coasting along, vaguely assuring myself that I was consciousness itself from time to time. It had no transformative power over my being. If I was honest, I would have to admit that it was just a bandage over a wound that refused to heal. Spiritually I was in denial . . . and had been for years. Scratch the surface and there was a sense of being little more than a zombie. My life was a blur. Briefly I would wake up, look around in momentary wonder, then without even noticing it, be back on autopilot again. Horribly, I appeared to wake up for only long enough to know I was asleep, and then I was asleep again. Yet, almost perversely, I refused to commit myself heart and soul to trying to do something about it.